Strengths & Weaknesses
Common human thought and language suggests each of us possess certain strengths and weaknesses.
For years, we believed it was good discipline to work on our weaknesses, while enjoying the ease and success of our strengths. We would delight in the A’s we received in the courses we found easy and natural and bemoan our lower grades while seeking tutors, further study materials and time, and the discipline to remediate our weaknesses.
The “Strengths Revolution”, made famous by Marcus Buckingham and others, changed our focus. They suggested rather than putting our time and energy into “fixing” our weaknesses, we should instead focus on making the most of our strengths. This seems like common sense when we graduate from university or trade school and enter into the workforce; we would never seek out jobs that place us primarily in “subjects” we do not excel in or even enjoy.
So, assuming that we are working in the fields of our expertise, or, at the very least, fields where we possess a modicum of competence, why do we still struggle for enjoyment or “engagement”? After all, we are good at what we do.
I believe the answer to this question is found in whether or not our current situation, workplace, relationship, culture, etc. is meeting our emotional needs. We all have emotional needs whether or not we like to admit it. However, because we see ourselves as gods in our own universe, the idea that we have needs seems weak. In fact, we tend to hear the word need as “needy”. The added “y” is a small thing, but it changes everything. It takes our basic human needs, something we all have, and makes them “weaknesses”. Let me explain.
On the physical level, one of our most basic human needs is oxygen. We all “need” it, but this does not make us “needy”. So long as there is oxygen present we are not even aware we require it, nor does our need for it make an impression on those around us. However, if oxygen is not present, after a minute or so we, and those around us, become painfully aware of our need for it. We become WEAK, and it is not pretty!
“It is not our NEED for oxygen that is weak—it is our physical reaction to a LACK of oxygen that makes us weak.”
OK, so what?
Well, let’s say you are going scuba diving with a group of friends and when you get to the dive location you realize you forgot to refill your tank after the last time you dove. You have no oxygen in your tank. How do you respond? Well, you have a number of options:
You can sit this one out and stay in the boat where there is oxygen.
You can choose to snorkel instead. Enjoying some of the underwater beauty while remaining in touch with your oxygen supply.
You can deep dive for a minute and then return to the surface to “fill up” with the oxygen you require for survival.
Or, you can proceed with the dive, knowing you do not have the oxygen required, but believing this “neediness” can be overcome by some miraculous engagement of your will – obviously it cannot, and you die. Your “weakness” (needing oxygen?) has been exposed.
It is not your need for oxygen that makes you weak; it is the stress response of your body to the lack of oxygen that makes you weak. The great news is, you can control your access to oxygen.
The same is true for our emotional needs; and we all have them. They are our oxygen. They don’t make us weak; our stress response to not having them met is what makes us weak. So don’t go diving if your tank is empty. Better yet, be sure to fill your tank so you don’t miss out!
Having the ability to understand and manage our emotional needs is known as emotional intelligence (EQ). A high EQ is the key to success, not only in today’s workplace, but also in all our relationships and life situations. Our ability to understand and manage our needs around esteem, acceptance, structure, authority, activity levels, competition, freedom, empathy, thought processing, and perceptions of ourselves and others are the key to living in our strengths. Our needs in these areas are not weaknesses – they are oxygen!
Do you have oxygen in your tanks, or are you experiencing weakness?
